


The Idiot's Guide to Gallifreyan Politics

by The_narwhals_awaken



Series: A Gallifreyan How-To [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Gallifrey (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: CIA (Gallifrey), Gallifrey, Gallifreyan Culture (Doctor Who), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26425201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_narwhals_awaken/pseuds/The_narwhals_awaken
Series: A Gallifreyan How-To [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1908952
Comments: 16
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

If you’ve picked up this informational booklet, you show signs of needing to deal with Gallifreyan politics, preferably without violence or strangling somebody. First, may I ask why? They’re some of the oldest, stubbornest, and most secretive species out there, but in some cases, it can’t be ignored. This guide is to help you understand who you’ll likely be dealing with, what they’re likely to be like, and why they’re like that- at least somewhat. We’ll also deal with the more general stuff- structure, some notable notables, and how to deal with the CIA while remaining a part of existence. We like being part of existence. You’ll get as much as we could coax out of several drunk Time Lords, shaking diplomats, and a few borderline illegal searches in the library- and a mysterious editor, who we never saw, but who laughed, filled the vents with glitter, and fixed the stuff that would’ve gotten people killed. If we find them, we’re going to thank them, and possibly sue for the glitter incident. As I type this, it’s still everywhere. More puffs out of the vents whenever an area is clean, and nobody’s gotten an unsparkly meal in ages. 

But anyways, we hope you survive and remember kids- don’t associate with Time Lords unless you have to, as there’s only a few ones who won’t either look down on you or use you for a scheme.


	2. Governmental Structure

The Time Lord government is headed by the Lord or Lady President, who runs the High Council. Each House has its Head, and the Heads for each Chapter gather together for their Chapter Council.

Each Chapter has several representatives called a Cardinal. The role is handpicked when each decides to retire. The only qualifications are the house, having graduated, and some experience in politics. 

The Chancellery Guard, led by the Castellan, is responsible for protecting any and all Cardinals, as well as any other important officials. However, they are not prioritizing physical combat, and thus can be taken down with reasonable planning and preparation. 

Some Cardinals, the head of the CIA, the High Chancellor, the Castellan, heads of various governmental organizations, and the Lord or Lady President, form the High Council. This is the main governing body of the Time Lords. Essentially, a Cardinal can propose a law, the people debate, and the President serves as arbiter and supreme authority. Without the President or the President-Elect, the Council can do nothing. There was a short period of time after the President-Elect ran away that the Council rebranded and took over, but that ended soon after. Council members with no better title hold the title of ‘High Councillor’. 

The High Chancellor, the Castellan, and the President formed the Inner Council. When in emergency session, these three were unanimous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, remember how I said it was all smoky here? It's gotten worse. The air is yellow, we're not supposed to go outside, everybody's at risk, we've got an exitable dog that's getting hyper, no room is fully free of the scent of smoke, and it's not supposed to lighten up til Monday. Almost the worst in the state, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Updates should still be coming semi-regularly until I run out of chapters, but the next works in the series will probably be a while out. Comments and ideas make me write better, though!


	3. Notable Notables and What to Beware

This section is a list of current, former, and future- since we don’t know when you’re getting this- higher-ups who you’re likely to be associating with. Most of these are somewhat current, as we couldn't find too many Time Lords who were willing to talk about the people to worry about, and fewer who were willing to give details- and those who would were quite drunk at the time, so not all of it may be correct or fully complete.

Rassilon- Lord President. Founder. Be polite, but distant. He prefers bipeds, especially ‘hominid’ bipeds, and will look down upon those who are not of that type. 

Romanadvoratrelundar- Lady President. Best of a bad lot. Overworked. Determined to do what’s best for her people, and ridiculously firm moral principles unmatched since the Wolf. 

Narvinectralonum- Coordinator of the CIA. Morally ambiguous, loves his paperwork. Loyal to the Presidency, but not to the extent of putting down the ones he’s responsible for. 

Braxiatel- Cardinal, House Lungbarrow, Pyrdonian Chapter Morally ambiguous, loyal to Romana. Loves artwork, collects it from dying species and emergency events. Firm if pressed, but slimy.

Borusa- Lord President. Bit of an idiot. Conniving, but not worth too much effort to fool- also tired of children. Easily distracted, not that bright.

Darkel- Inquisitor. Evil. Avoid, do not trust- verify anything she tells or gives you, don’t go places with her. 

Andred- Castellan. Fairly well trained, alert, somewhat ruthless.

Leela- Romana’s bodyguard. Fierce, will not hesitate to kill you. Can kill a Time Lord with no hope of regeneration. Will not listen to logic if enraged, your only hope is to disarm her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So: I'm planning on putting more works in the series, as seen in the series notes, but I need to make a decision. Should I write about Renegades or Founders-Era history first? Founders History would be about the Founders as well as notable events and a rough timeline. Renegades would be more like a field guide and talk about how to handle them and what they're likely to be like. Let me know in the comments which you'd prefer, and any other ideas you have or guides you'd like to see!


	4. The Celestial Intervention Agency

The Celestial Intervention Agency, despite its original founding principles- to maintain the Web of Time, as explained in the previous guide- is somewhat of an intelligence agency. They are spies- although nobody knows quite who they follow, or who they spy for. 

Their leadership is somewhat tumultuous, but each one is highly qualified. Generally, the previous Deputy Coordinator becomes Coordinator, but there have been times someone else has been appointed to the position. However, these times are few and far between, and generally the position is handed down and down. Theoretically, the Lord or Lady President is in charge, but in practice, the Coordinator holds the real power.

Sometimes, agents are sent out on observation missions, to see the outside world in its natural state and ensure that long-term plans are still going well. Long-term plans include temporal hot-spots, ensuring that certain futures come to pass, and picking up violently anachronistic time travelers. Agents also manipulate the timelines, ensuring that history comes to pass the way it was recorded. These are common missions, and much liked, due to better food.

While certainly stuck-up, they are very good at maintaining the Web of Time before any natural safeguards are activated, as well as patching the wound so that they do not stay. Despite some people’s claims, Reapers are nobody’s friend, and collateral damage is generally frowned upon. Besides, there’s still some wiggle room.

The Time Agency is the bane of the CIA’s existence, for the most part. Undertrained and with a high history of going renegade for their own profit, they’re a helpful pest on a good day, when they catch the criminals, and a harmful hindrance on a bad day, when a poor landing weakens the already weak thread of the Web when they land using their Vortex Manipulators. 

The CIA’s motto is ‘The story changes, but the ending remains the same’. 


	5. Dealing with the CIA

Your best bet is going to be manners and distance. Make sure you aren’t doing anything illegal, that at least two other people know where you are and when you expect to be back, and that you have checks for bugs regularly. 

If you must deal with an agent directly, be polite but wary. The wariness is expected, and the manners prevent excuses for punishment or punitive action. If you are canny, you can even push their eyes away from some of it.

If you’re planning on doing something illegal, take care. Make sure people know where you are, where you plan to go, and when you plan to get there- keep it up regularly, and you’ll divert suspicion. If they can get you on your own, and without people looking for you, you might not make it back- of course, you’ll have spilled all you know, whether you want to or not. 

If you are doing anything legal against or even with them, especially if they’re under Coordinator Narvinectrolonum, then you are going to have to ensure all the paperwork is correct. Filed in triplicate with all the appropriate seals, of course. Backdated if at all possible and for everyone's sake, make sure you've spelled everything correctly.

The easiest way to tick off a CIA agent is to imply that you prefer the Time Agency over them. You will get a very irritated agent, above and beyond service and explanations, and a deep and abiding resentment over the thought that one of the petty monkeys jumping about with stuff they don’t understand could possibly be better than them. 

If you must get one to like you and you are off-planet, your best bet is probably going to be food. Gallifreyan cuisine is somewhat limited, and off-world food is enjoyed. 

If in emergency with time-travel relics, please ensure that your agents are in fact CIA. One giveaway will probably be the uniforms- while some are not constantly in uniform, most if not all will be wearing at least part of it. Scammers will not or will be wearing the wrong colors. Black and white or local gear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smoke's still not good, but we're dealing with it as best as we can. Thanks for the concern, and I'll keep updating as I have stuff to update with. Feel free to chime in on anything in the series you'd like to see, or things you enjoy. Comments tell me what you like and what I should write more of!


	6. Dealing with Renegades

For most Renegades, you will have to deal with them on a case-by-case basis. However, these general steps can be advised. 

1)Keep them contained until you can determine their intentions. If at all possible, ensure that any friends or companions are also contained. Let them know why, but make sure you have psychic blockers if one attempts to talk to you- one of them can hypnotise, and better safe than sorry. 

2) Secure their TARDIS, bring it someplace safe. Do not try to enter, you will not be able to and it’ll just make them mad at you. 

3)Talk to them, figure out why they’re there and why they got there. 

Specific advice:

For the Rani, make sure she cannot access lab facilities. If all she wants is groceries, that’s fine, but don’t let her in a lab. Keep an eye on missing people or pets cases, as she sometimes takes unwilling test subjects. 

For the Master, as said, make sure you have a psychic blocker. If he is not here with intent to take over or cause havoc, then merely keep an eye on him until he leaves. Do not interfere with mild havoc, as he is chaotic, but interfere with anything that would cause harm. 

For the Doctor, all bets are off. Wildly chaotic and vaguely beneficial, it’s best to just point them in the direction of what they want and let them go. Keep an eye on them, and any friends they may have along, but do not interfere. It will end better for you if you can uncover any corruption or other problems, or at least cooperate with said uncovering, but it is unlikely, unless they are merely here grocery shopping, that you will escape with no change. Even then, it’s not a certain deal.

For the Monk, keep an eye on him and keep him out of anything important- he likes to meddle without seeing the consequences. If you can keep him towards the vaguely higher-end of things, he’ll probably be satisfied and let go.

For researchers and other benign folk, just get them their data and groceries and let them leave. They’re probably having a long day and they’re tired. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, thanks for your concern. The smoke is clearing up, so we should be back to normal in a few days. And I thought 2020 couldn't get worse! 
> 
> Please, please let me know what you want from this series, I need ideas.


	7. Manners, Etiquette, and How Not To Seem Like a Blooming Idiot

While this is not the full course of etiquette, here’s some pointers to ensure that you don’t get kicked out before you get what you want.

Be patient. They live on a much different scale of time than you do.

Do not touch bare skin unless you must, as they are touch-telepathic and it’s rude without permission, long acquaintance, or both. Especially do not touch the temples, as that’s incredibly rude unless explicit permission is given. 

Use the name given. Even if others use a familiar derivative or nickname, it’s impolite. Most will introduce themselves with a shortened version of their name, or their title if they chose that route. Other names denote familiarity that you have not earned. 

Respect others' conversations, and titles. They are very proud of their titles and have earned them with time and trickery. The conversation thing is just manners.

Always use your best manners, and don’t reference language. They can understand you, you can understand them. Let that be enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left! Comments and kudos make my day!


	8. Standing Trial: What to Do if you End Up on Gallifrey (Besides the Etiquette Stuff)

While you’re probably not going to be on trial, you may feel like you are. Here’s some tips to avoid death/mental destruction/political destruction. 

Don’t mention language, as there’s translators. They are not speaking Gallifreyan, but a trader’s tongue, which you are also heard as. Stay out of it. 

If you end up in trouble, do your best to be polite about it. Physical force is your best bet if it gets hairy, as even the Chancellery Guard isn’t that well-trained, provided you’re not in wartime. In wartime, just don’t get caught. 

Do not bring, touch, or offer ginger. It will be taken as an insult. It’s somewhat alcoholic to them, and it’s similar to a roofie if taken unexpectedly, or a shot or cocktail if not. Regardless, it will not be taken well.

Do not bring up the Renegades unless it’s business about them, as there are still their friends and relatives still there, and they may take it harshly. 

Do not bring up past incidents unless establishing precedent- both for timeline preservation and to ensure that nobody gets irked. 

Don’t mention Vampires. There’s a species-wide instinctual hatred of them, and it might get you stabbed or blacklisted. 

Stay polite and don’t presume.

Good luck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we have come to the end of my pre-written stuff. I'm going on hiatus until I can get something else written. Please comment below if you have anything you liked about this, anything you want to read, or anything else you want to say. Hope you enjoy my works so far!
> 
> EDIT: I've decided that the next work in the series is going to be on Gallifreyan biology, and hopefully will begin posting before October- but I make no promises. AP classes are piling up, and school comes first.


End file.
